a change of plans

So today in church something really weird happened. I was just sitting there thinking by myself like normal being perfectly reverant of course like I always am. When all of a sudden out of the blue this message just came across me that I really needed to go on a mission. I wasn't even thinking about a mission I'm not sure where it came from but it kept hitting me and it wasn't even giving me a choice it was like "no you have to." I don't really know how to describe it. I mean I've had impressions that I should go on a mission before just like any other kid my age has, but this time it was so real and so undeniable that there was just no question about it. I've never felt something that was so real and tangible and so good when it comes to a feeling or impression. It was bizzare...but in a good way :)

So after all the church meetings I waited around for about an hour and a half to see the bishop and I just told him that I needed to go on a mission as soon as possible and he said that just made his day. Which made me happy. I pretty much feel like im postponing everything. I already made plans to go to college for the summer, i'm going to have to get rid of my car that I just bought...etc..and I was like "bishop, I have already made plans to go to college in July and everything" and he said something that made me think a little deeper and he said "a mission is an education too. It's an education of the Lord and it's the most important education that you will recieve." and the truth of that really hit me. And I really decided that there is nothing more important that I could be doing at this time. Spending two years serving the Lord and my church is more important than college right now, its more important than my car or any other worldly thing that I possess right now.

I feel a little embarassed that I just haven't really realized these things until now. I think I take the long road with everything in my life I dont really know why. But when I do find out what I really want to do I always do it, so there's really no stopping me. Maybe I am better off because of it. It's like I have to explore every option before I go with the one I should have gone with in the first place. I mean I could be like halfway done with a mission by now but even though I should have gone then, there must still be a very good reason for me to go now and I believe there is, and I really can't wait. Even though I said I was thoroughly excited to go to college I'm way beyond that kind of excited to start a mission.

the things I love

So I decided my first blog for the day was a little lame so I'm going to write another one :)

Today I was reminded of how much more I love the warmer months. I can't wait until it gets to be warm weather again. Not to be in a pessimistic mood or anything but I believe the official song for this winter is "A Long December" by Counting Crows. It started off happy "A long December and there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last." But then it just kinda ends up cold and sad.."I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower, makes you talk a little lower." Somehow it seems as if the warmer weather brings out the warmer part of people, maybe its because there are more activities to do together in the summer or because the days are so long and the nights are warm. Summer nights are defintely my favorite time of day for anytime of year. During those few moments when the sun is just about to set and the sky glows dark orange and red. It can feel so perfect.

BUT...winter really isn't all that bad here are a few other things I've really loved about this winter..

Today was the first time this winter that the porch has been completely dry and it was a really nice day so I went to sit with my dog on the porch like I do every day during the summer. I think he was happy to have some company, he's basically been out there alone all winter lol poor dog..he has lots of fur though so he can handle it.

It reminded me how much I love just being able to sit on the porch and stare out at the sunset. Well its not exactly the sunset since the corner of the house is in the way but its almost the sunset...haha...He always tries to squeeze his head in under my arm and get as close to me as possible he practically lays right on me. When the weather is good we always watch the sunset together. He's always so silent and I always wonder what is going on in his head. Somehow it feels like he understands just whats going on in my mind and he will lift his head to lick my face at random times just to let me know he cares. Pretty soon he falls asleep and he just is so carefree and happy. He's so lucky I'm jealous. Haha. Even though he's not actually a person there have been so many times where those moments with him make my day. It sounds really cheesy you might not understand. But I love it.

Every once in a while when its not stormy and crappy there are really beautiful mornings. When I get off work in the morning its the perfect time to see the sun rising and usually there are a few small fluffy clouds that are bathed in the early pinks and oranges of the sun. Its really wonderful I love it and it makes me smile everytime. What a great way to start off a day.

I have gotten to go snowboaring just once this winter and it was amazing. I got to go with my little sister and help her learn. It was great to be with my sister I don't always get to spend much time with her and I love her. The weather was awesome, the sun was out and since there was no wind it was actually warm. The sky was so blue it was wonderful. It can be so breath taking to be on the highest peak just by yourself surrounded by silence and to look around at all the other mountains covered in perfect white glistening snow rising to the perfect shade of deep blue sky and you realize how beautiful this world really is. Then you realize how small you really are and you wonder how you ever got to be so lucky to be a part of this world. To me those are the moments that you live for.

Well....I was going to write more but its time to get back to work!

decisions decisions

"Don't let your fear of the unknown prevent your vision of the future."

Hello people. Sorry I have not been much of a blogger lately my world has been chaotic and busy and it doesn't leave me in a very good blogging mood or I just don't have time.

Life is alright though I'm thoroughly excited about finally going to college and I'm happy that I've picked something that I REALLY want to do. I swear I must have written twenty essays for scholarships by now but you know what? I actually kindof enjoy it which is a good thing I think its exciting. Not that I'm going to win or anything but hey I'm glad I try. So getting accepted was one thing...now I just have to do it! Haha thats always the hard part..ask me how its going four years from now :)

I have a bit of a decision to make and I really have no idea which one I should go with. I need to decide if I want to stay in Heber and take all my classes at the Wasatch campus or if I want to finally get out and experience the "college life." I feel like I need to get out of Heber though, don't get me wrong I actually love Heber but sometimes there's just not enough here to keep you around. There just doesn't seem to be much else for me to explore here. It would be so much more thrilling to get out and live and be my own person.
But if I stay and take classes in Heber it will save me so much money in the long run and I have two decent jobs that have hours that can work with my school schedule. But I just most likely won't have the great experiences that comes with going out on your own like meeting new people and such. I feel like that is important to me. bah I dont really know.

Everything I've done I've had to do myself and leaving Heber is a big thing to do on your own especially when you hardly have much of a family to fall back on should things go wrong...It makes me feel so vulnerable but I guess sometimes you just have to do things and it will work...but what if it backfires? I would have nowhere to turn. I would be screwed..hmmm..decisions decisions how are you ever supposed to tell which one to make?

Thats all I guess.

college

Hello people from wherever!

So I have good news! After being graduated from high school for nearly 2 years I've finally found my way to a college lol. I've been officially "admitted" to UVSC. Or should I say UVU...Apparantly I was accepted way back in December but I guess they decided to never tell me until I called about it just barely. But thats okay because I'm not actually taking classes until July so...

I also decided to switch my major. My original major was Law Enforcement. I remember wanting to be a police officer when I was a little kid because I used to watch COPS on TV and I thought it was like the coolest thing to be able to get a car and a gun and handcuffs...but that novelty kinda wore off as I started hearing about what a police officer goes through mentally and physically and what they see and how many different situations they have to react to. It would be so draining I really don't even know if I could handle that kind of pressure. So then I wanted to go into youth corrections or something along those lines because I love the idea of helping kids that are in trouble and I like the thought of being an example and making a difference in someones life. But there has always been a career that I've kept in the back of my mind that I've always thought would be REALLY cool and that is to just be a regular high school teacher, and I think it sounds perfect. It's not a job thats going to make me rich, and its not the "sexiest" sounding job out there but to me its a very respectable job and the best part is I would still get to help kids and hopefully make a positive impact in their lives.

So I'm going into Secondary Education with an emphasis in History or maybe possibly English. I'm not entirely sure but I have like at least a year before I really have to decide. History and English were definitely my favorite core subjects. I feel like history gets overlooked a lot and you can always learn something from the past that will help you in the present and English is just so wonderful how it can be used to produce something inspiring and beautiful. (Also I think I'm not smart enough to teach math or biology or something like that but don't tell anyone) I will have a minor in Physical Fitness so that I could say that I can teach PE as well and hopefully I can become a high school coach because that would be awesome-(another job that deals with helping kids reach their potential)

So yeah I was pretty stoked when I found out. Until I went to meet with my academic advisor and I swear she gave me like 15 classes I had to complete. And I was like whoa...then I realized the next four years of my life are going to be pretty jammed with school haha. And I almost cried...lol jk. I'm actually really excited. I'm very worried about financial aid..I finished filling it out and at the end it said I was unlikely to get any money which was just what I wanted to hear let me tell you...I almost cried again...haha so if anyone has a rich uncle or maybe a scholarship that they don't need go ahead and send it my way :) I will send good karma back your way. I sure hope I don't have to take out thousands of dollars worth of student loans...that would just make me dread my graduation day when I have to start paying it all back. GAHHH BAHH...I dunno what Im going to do about that...but I feel like I should get to college and I guess it will work somehow. Anyways thats all for now.

first impressions and being open.

"Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, it is the only means."
-Albert Einstein

So for some reason I've been thinking about impressions lately. I think its because I work in a hotel and I get a chance to meet a lot of different people that give off a lot of different impressions. It makes me think of how influencing our impressions are on other people. Do we ever realize what kind of impression we are making on other people? I don't think that I realize what kind of impression I leave on people. Is it a good impression? I would love to think that I always make a good impression on people but what if I really don't? I think an impression is something that lasts far longer than just a phsyical presence. It's a memory that is either good or bad and memories can last forever. What type of memories am I giving people?

I think that we often don't have enough patience with people after we judge them by their first impression. I know a lot of people that turned out to be really great people even though I might not of gotten the best first impression from them. Everything we say, everything we wear, basically everything we do makes an impression and an influence on someone else.

To me the most powerful impressions are the ones that people give off when they don't think they are being watched. It's kindof funny I like to watch people, I call it peoplewatching -dont worry I dont do it in a creepy spying type of way though haha. I just think you can learn a lot by what someone does when they think no one is watching them. Or by little things like how the react to something or how they react to what you say or what you do. Every once in a while I just do things to see how people will react to it, its very interesting. To me I am much more inspired by someone unknowinlgy setting a good example than I am by some loud preacher trying to tell me what to do. Peoples actions really do speak louder than their words, they are just more subtle to pick up on. This often makes me wonder what other people can tell about me by what I'm doing. What if I dont give off the best impression and what if they decided to think any less of me or even worse, they decided I wasn't a person worth getting to know?

It's never too late to make a new years resolution and I think my new one is to be more open with people. And I mean REALLY REALLY try to make an effort. Everybody has their own little "clique" or group of friends they associate with but I think it would be to everyone's benefit to open up to other people. Not just the same type of people they always hang out with but maybe a different "type" of person because maybe they aren't so different after all. Think about it, what if the next person you made an effort to connect with turned out to be your next best friend, or your future husband/wife, or maybe they just had something great to teach you that would make your life better. Or maybe just the other way around, maybe you have something wonderful to share with them to make their life better. Crazy to think about huh? But I guess thats the way it really happens. You would never know unless you took the time to get to know them. Everyone in the world has room for another type of friend, and there are many people in this world that are just looking for just one friend. Why not?

why?

"Why push, why change, why grow, why dream? Questions you don't have to ask yourself when you never say its good enough, when you never say it can't be done, when you never say never."

My latest inspiration for a blog comes from a superbowl commericial. lol. How improbable is that? It wasn't the funniest commercial around but it takes the award as the most down to earth and realistic in my opinion.

I really like this quote a lot. The picture that goes along with it is great too. There is this guy who is struggling to push a boulder up a hill and he's kinda having a hard time but you can tell he's making progress and then it zooms out and it shows the hill is actually a mountain made up of more boulders that he's put there. Of course with me and my analytical mind I thought it symbolized a lot.

When times get tough and we think we have had enough do we push back? Do we change how we think? Do we stop growing? Do we end up saying this is good enough, or do we want something more? Do we try and do something that everyone has said can't be done? I think there is only one way to make progress in this world and that is by pushing back. It's by growing and never thinking that what you have is good enough.

So I guess each one of us have our own mountains to climb in our lives. Not just so that we can climb them, but so that we can conquer them. The only way to move forward is to climb our mountains, it is what progress is all about. Our mountains define who we are in life, they give us the strength to climb the next mountain that is a little bit bigger and a little bit steeper. So that we can know that we have accomplished something ourselves, from our own will and our own determination. So that we can say that we did something, and that we made something happen. So that we can say "it can be done."

Only after we conquer our mountains can we really answer the questions "why push, why change, why grow, why dream?" Maybe it is no coincedence that the only people that truly figure out things in life are the people that ask why. I think too many times we take for granted everything that we have and when things are given to us we forget to figure out why, then we forget to know what it's like to work for the things that we have. Then we forget about the past and why it has made us who we are. Then we just plain forget about everything and we become nothing.

it's been a long day, always seems that way

So this is not really my original idea I stole it from Jennifer...sorry Jen but I give you credit for it anyways. It's just a few lines of what I am feeling at a particular moment - mostly song lyrics since I seem to connect with lyrics more than anything else. But sometimes I even make up my own stuff. I will try and do it every month...maybe...if I'm that ambitious. Now I have an excuse to say that even though I don't write a blog all the time I am still contributing to my blog regularly.

My favorites are the last two. Well my favorite would be the last one. But the one that best describes this month is the second to last one. Or maybe even the first one haha don't ask me I dont know. It really has been a long month. Between my old car getting stuck every single time I drove it, to having it slide off the highway, to rolling my new jeep, to working 13 hours every night to just being plain worn out from every single thing. It's been a trying month. A VERY trying month. It definitely needs to get better soon...All I do is work and all it does is snow and all it is is cold. haha. I'm such a complainer I know, I've got to suck it up. Oh well we will see what February brings besides more snow HAH(great) :)

Jan 7- Why isn't it ever enough?

Jan. 10- "If everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied if everyone shared and swallowed their pride then..."


Jan. 14- nihil est sine ratione, latin for: nothing is without reason.


Jan. 15- Goodbye old car hello new car! Now I can drive in the snow...AND i have a sunroof! but my sound system is gone :(


Jan 16.- Whats meant to be will always find a way.


Jan 18.- "Between the lines of fear and blame you begin to wonder why you came"


Jan 22.- "Fate begins to raise its voice"


Jan 24.- "For the life of me what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise"


Jan 26.- "I worry I wont see your face light up again."


Jan 29.- It's been a long day, always seems that way.


Jan 31.- Your brain is like a sponge. Not a cheap generic sponge, but a super absorbant, top-of-the-line sponge. Made for soaking up experiences like art, poetry, or 80's music. Constantly parched for a new discovery. Of course, like a sponge, if you don't use it, it'll dry up. And who needs a dried up brain? No one.