another long blog of nothing

So I have decided I have a big problem with patience. I always want something right away instead of waiting for it to happen in the future. Even if I know that it will most likely happen in the future...I would rather have it right now so that I know I have it already, so that I can be 100% assured and not leave anything to chance. I hope that makes sense.

Maybe it's not so much of a patience thing as it is a fear of what will happen in the future. But its not like I'm afraid of the future because I always look forward to it and I think it's always exciting to see what will happen but sometimes I just don't really know what is going to happen in the future, I mean everyone has their own plan for the future and it's good to have a plan and I have my own plan but theres always an element of suprise or an unexpected twist. Of course these things are not always bad but don't you ever feel like you don't want any suprises or twists and you just want your plan to work the way you think it should?

So maybe I just have a fear of the unknown. I'm not really afraid or anything. Maybe it's just me being uncomfortable of the unknown. Maybe I just don't really know what it is lol. I've come to accept that life is all about change, but that doesn't mean that I always like it. I guess sometimes I just want things to stay the same until I can catch back up with the change. I feel like I've never been able to be comfortable long enough to take a breath before something unexpected happens.

I think that I may never really be completely satisfied with life, I mean very few people actually are anyways right? And if you are completley satisfied with life chances are you are overlooking something, unless your Jesus. I just try to do my best and do what makes me happy but every once in a while it feels like my best isn't quite going to cut it...and I guess at some point everyone's best doesnt quite cut it at something but it's sorta sad to discover that even when you try at something so hard maybe you just can't have it.

Well I just realized this blog is mostly about me asking questions to myself and then answering them....sort of...lol so maybe it was a pointless blog so what! Hannah already hogged my other topic and I think its too long to write about now...maybe it will make an appearance some other day.

I will leave you with a list of things that I think are absolutely essential to a happy life
They are not really in any order

1. My religion
2. The relationships/friendships I form with other people (includes family, friends, dogs, a deflated volleyball named wilson...anything like that)
3. A good conscience
4. Music
5. A positive attitude
6. A desire to do something
7. A willingness to learn
8. An open mind
9. The ability to recognize as well as learn from mistakes
10. Humor

This could be a big list but I like the number ten and I like those things if anyone disagrees then obviously they don't have as happy of a life as me and we will have to have a debate. :)

"There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings." -Dorothy Thompson

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." -Anais Nin

"If I had my life to live over, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax; I'd limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after the other, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over again, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dance; I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies. "
-Nadine Stair

The End.