The End of a Year

Well it's time to say goodbye to the year 2007 and time to start saying hello to 2008.

Throughout the year I have come to rely on this little computer screen and keyboard to write down my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs, and my desires. This little website in a way has become something of a perfect friend, it will never judge me for what I say to it, it will never laugh at how dumb I sound, it will never criticize me for the errors I have made, and it always will listen, because well basically it has to :) Like I said in my first ever blog, it is "like my own personal broadcast dish to the world"....Did I just use quotation marks on my own quote...are you supposed to do that? Oh well.

I have been here blogging for one full year now...(actually it will be a full year on the 23 of January but keeping with the end of the year theme this works lol) I have officially written 77 blogs for the year (actually 78, I drafted an enormous blog on the fact that if insects really wanted to take over humans, and the world, they really could. But after re reading it I decided no one would even care about such a blog haha so I deleted it) that amounts to 1 blog every 4.4 days and exactly 34,309 words- in case anyone was wondering besides me. Well thats pretty good if you ask me. Far better than what I expected from myself.

It is true that this collection of blogs have not fully expressed what this year has been about for me, it would take far much more than I am willing to write. Usually I just end up blabbing about anything and everything really. From my very first blog, appropriately titled The First One where it all started. To my thoughts on how easy it is to eat a big mac, to my frustrations with the 3 different jobs I have had, to my sudden intrest in joining the air force, to my obsession with trying to get a red pin in bowling, to my feeble attempts at poetry, and story writing, to my musings on such life topics as change, love, and consequences.

I have done quite a few things I regret (although I learned so much from them that its hard to regret them) I can truly say I have met a few people that have actually changed my life, some of them in more ways than they probably even know. I have met people that are really an inspiration to me, once again probably in ways they don't even recogize.

I have learned lessons that I should have learned a long time ago, I have learned things about me that I've never known before. I tried writing some paragraphs on what I have learned this year and it actually resembled a very long boring textbook or something so I'm going to settle for a list (suprise)

-I have learned that quite simply, it is impossible for me to ever be comfortable if I know that something is not going right in my life.

-Even more, it is almost just as impossible for me to be content knowing that others around me are having things go wrong in their own lives. Especially if I can see that its from their own mistakes...It will literally drive me crazy if I am not able to show them why and how such things are happening to them.

- I've learned that I tend to think WAY beneath the surface of just about everything that happens (some of my blogs are evidence of that) but I've learned that thats not really a bad thing, actually its much better than thinking on the surface, yes?

-I've learned that a little bit of humor can go a long way.

-I've learned that I use commas way too much...like in the last sentence...plus I use periods a lot...?

- I've learned that sometimes I come off as too overbearing and a little too over reactive, maybe intense? I guess is the right word..

- I've learned to accept that fact that unlike most people, I've never had the ideal family and the great relationships you can have with that. Because of this in a way I've tried to substitute my friends in place of my family. This results in me valuing my relationships with people more than possibly anything ever, they really are so fragile and I think everyone including me takes them for granted way too much. It is an essential thing to be able to have connections with other people in life. It is so important to be able to have the best friends you can get. And of course a family...for those of you lucky enough to have the ideal family.

- I've learned that I never REALLY give up on anything unless it is absolutely made clear to me that I should. It is very difficult for me to quit on something unless I have tried every possible way to make it work.

- I've learned to be able to take a deep breath and give things time to play themselves out
- I've learned that I seem to be loyal to things..almost to a fault
- I've learned that I usually don't make the first impression that I hope to make
- I've learned how amazing the simple things in life can be
- I've learned that second chances can turn out to be the best things ever.
- I've learned how to drive the speed limit, and that you don't actually get tickets for doing that - I've learned to appreciate my religion much more than I ever have before
- I've learned that being honest is actually the easiest thing to do in the end
- I've learned how pure happiness can be so simple

Well. It has been a long crazy year. It feels like this year has stretched on and on forever and in a way I'm happy to have it end. There were many highs and many lows. I may have possibly cried more than I ever have in my life over a million different things, but I may have possibly laughed more than ever before. If I could summarize the year with one word it would be change. This really has been a huge year of change for me. If I was to make a graph of all the changes I have made, and all of the different feelings I have felt it would look like some crazy stock market graph.

Anyways I should thank the small amount of readers that I do have for reading my rather boring, often way too long, and somewhat philosophical blogs. But even if no one ever read my blogs I guess I would still blog because I like to be able to write things down and maybe someday someone will read them and maybe actually like them and then maybe actually like me :)

In the end I've learned to understand how simple life can be, how easy things can be accomplished, but how hard everything can be made to seem. I've learned how fragile and precious the very basic things in life are. How important it is to hold on to what we are all given, and how wonderful it can be if we work to turn what we have into something so much more. We are given the world, and its so full of oppurtunities hopefully we can make the most of it.

There is a good quote that I've heard many times,
"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole lives would change."
- a Buddha quote

It's kindof girly lol.
But it's true.
Goodbye until next year!